Bipolar is Trying to Ruin My Life

I don’t want to write this, but I have to! If I want you to know about this disease/disorder and how it affects me, then I must tell you. I FEEL like SHIT!…once again bipolar is trying to ruin my life! I’m nauseous and angry and tired and confused and…and ….and. I’m everything but Happy. It’s some bullshit because the bad days seem to outnumber the good days. Who wants to keep talking about how bad they feel? NOT I said the cat! But the Truth must be told…and who better to tell my story than I. I feel like I put on a good face on the outside but on the inside I sad, angry, and numb. I don’t want to show these feelings on the outside because I don’t believe they are Real. But they are some Strong feelings and I have to fight super hard if I don’t want them to show. I’m use to it, but if I’m not careful they can sneak out, and when they do…It’s not NICE. My appetite sucks, my attitude sucks, everything fucking sucks. But you have to be nice, cause its the right thing to do. But all I want to do is make someone hurt more that I hurt. I have to fight the negative, angry , manic thoughts that constantly flood my head. I have to fight laziness and loneliness, doubt and confusion. This shit is draining, all I want to do is stay in the bed curled up in the cover sleep. Just leave me alone and let me sleep. But I have a Life, I have a family than needs me, and I have a will not to let this conquer me. So I get up and continue to fight and continue to write and tell my story.

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